Tell me your public holidays, and I'll tell you what sort of country you live in. Today (March 8th) is International Women's Day, which was demanded, promoted and introduced by communists like Vladimir Ilyich Lenin and Clara Zetkin. In the successor states of the Soviet Union, it is a state-imposed day off work. As such, it is celebrated in other former or present communist states as well, namely, to give them all their due, Angola, Burkina Faso, Eritrea, Guinea-Bissau, Cambodia, Cuba, Laos, Madagascar, Mongolia, North Korea, Nepal, Zambia, Uganda, Vietnam – and, since this year, also in the ‘People's Republic’ (actually the federal state) of Berlin.

And why? It is well known that the goal of any left-wing policy – and every policy becomes at some point a left-wing policy because of collectivist hubris and centralist feasibility delusion – is the destruction of civilization and its four foundations, namely tradition, religion, family and private property. These policies include, incidentally, overcoming traditional, religious, family-related and property-affirming holidays and gradually replacing them with the secular celebration of the almighty state and its ‘new human.’ And so, on their anniversaries homage is paid, if not directly to the party or the monopolist of force, to the supposedly disadvantaged, as for instance in the US to black people on Martin Luther King Day at the end of January, women on March 8th or workers on May 1st. A men's holiday? One for blond cowboys? One in honor of successful entrepreneurs? Of course not.

First, the bad news

In aid of further ‘progress,’ other holidays are already waiting in the wings, like everyone and everything in socialism. The UN in New York, the centralized goal of all national politics and a worthy successor of the Socialist International in the times of Zetkin and Lenin, already celebrates at least on paper many of these days of surrogate religious edification – and not only, but also and especially, on March 8th or May 1st. Here is a small selection of these days, as a foretaste for the North Koreans and Berliners among us: February 10th, World Pulses Day (unfortunately, there is no World Steak Day); February 11th, International Women's and Girls' Day in Science (International Women's Day, the second, better safe than sorry); February 13th, International Radio Day (because still mostly state-run, unlike the free private press); February 20th, International Social Justice Day (Labor Day, the second, better safe than, etc.); April 22nd, International Earth Day (surrogate eco-religion, praise be to you, too, the first); May 31st, International No Smoking Day (smokers are Nazis); June 3rd, International Bicycle Day (as we drive our cars on all other days); June 5th, International Environment Day (surrogate eco-religion, praise be to you, again and forever); June 20th, International Refugee Day (surrogate multicultural religion, we pay homage to you, too, the first); June 23rd, Public Service Workers’ Day (net taxpayers, please have your own celebration some other time); July 18th, International Refugee Day (surrogate multicultural religion, we pay homage to you, too, the second). July 18th, International Nelson Mandela Day (as a black-continental variant of Martin Luther King Day); September 16th, International Day for the Preservation of the Ozone Layer (surrogate eco-religion, we prostrate ourselves, third); October 11th, International Girls' Day (International Women's Day, the third); October 15th, International Rural Women's Day (International Women's Day, the fourth); November 19th, International Toilet Day (no comment, but socialists like to dig the dirt, the private is political); November 21st, International Television Day (instead of the decentralized and more difficult to monitor Internet, which can therefore please also have its own celebration some other day); November 25th, International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women (International Women's and Groundhog Day, the fifth); December 1st, International AIDS Day (occasionally the rainbow flag needs to be hoisted and homage needs to be paid to the men among the women); December 18th, International Migrants' Day (surrogate multicultural religion, for the third time, at least for now, but may be expanded). So much for these fireworks of public servants’ creativity.

Finally, the good news

In the years since Lenin, in the successor states of the former Soviet Union, Women's Day has peacefully taken on a life of its own. Instead of the deliberate opposition to each other, the people there preferred to create a lovely togetherness. Instead of cheering on notorious women of the movement as once envisioned, men give flowers, flowers and more flowers to the adored ladies who have dressed themselves up especially well. On that day, Moscow floats in a sea of flowers. For the time being this distinguishes the Russian capital from Berlin and Pyongyang, if only due to the fact that there are no edible flowers to buy there.

And while the uncritical German cheering media is today once again leading feminism to its final victory, we are relaxed about further attempts at re-education: we continue to celebrate Easter and Christmas in church and with our families – and very pro-capitalistically light a big cigar on May 31st or laugh together with our gay friends about the best gay jokes on December 1st. On February 10th, thanks to the many pulses, we skilfully fart the Internationale, and on November 19th we dump on the neo-socialist exploiters in, among other places, Havana, Luanda and Berlin, now and forever.

Translated from eigentümlich frei, where the original article was published on March 8th 2019 (International Women's Day).